Nothing can compare to the ineffable pain of knowing you tried your best but it wasn't good enough, and the greater agony is in knowing that you only had one shot. The disappointment I still have in myself has woven such a strong web of hopelessness that I've found myself trapped in. Everyday I find myself deeply entrenched in an abyss of depression that I can't escape from. It's made me lose my appetite for life. In fact, in the beginning, I loathed myself so much with an incredible intensity I'm surprised I didn't do anything to harm myself, but I believe I'm slowly beginning to forgive myself. Confiding in people made no difference because people being people will only tell you to look on the 'bright side' or 'be grateful' or to 'cheer up' , as if it's that easy when all you see is gloom. Thing is, sometimes all you can do to get through some things is to sulk and sulk until eventually, you can sulk no more. Drown yourself in so much sadness that you can't drown anymore then you can start floating, as in you can begin your road of recovery.